Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
