There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
