Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
