can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
