I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
