I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
no, he came in my armpit
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
