At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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