ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You made out with two different species that night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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