Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
