some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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