i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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