his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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