i permit you to call me
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
