Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
