It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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