Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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