and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
