I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
