Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
