It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
