Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We're too hungover to prance.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
