Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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