It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
