I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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