I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
