Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
