Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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