it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
