i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The struggles of a small town man whore
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
