I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
