i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You've changed since you got that strap on
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
