Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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