A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
