i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
