it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
