is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
