i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
