dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
