Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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