On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
