apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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