cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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