i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
