would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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