I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
