hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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