So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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