I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
A+ Viking dick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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