C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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