new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
